Divorce Stats
by Dale Sabin

 

I began serious research on the subject of divorce and remarriage in the 1980's using the Theological Library of Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia. Being convinced from scripture that divorce was wrong and that remarriage constituted "biblical adultery" so long as the ONE FLESH divorced spouse remained physically alive. Romans7:2&3 which basically defines the New Covenant, martial state of Adultery. Letting the scripture interpret the scripture. Keeping Christ's own words as KING and MASTER of the definition of adultery in Luke16:18. Dale Sabin.

 

I was shocked to find that the Divorce and Remarriage topic was no new controversy. But the question of EXCEPTIONS; or should we say supposed Biblical excuses for condoning divorce and remarriage raged on as early as the 1800's in America. Prior to the 1800's divorce and remarriage was always scorned since the advent of Messiah's coming. Oh sure, it was done sometimes; but never condoned or justified in the New Testament.

 

During the industrial revolution divorce come into full swing. Cities were growing, the population was shifting from the farming country sides into the cities of financial prosperity. Hence the thinking of marriage and divorce was also beginning to shift from the strict biblical understanding to a more worldly accepted view. As always with the transition from a farming way of life to a city / industrial work environment new pressures were put on families. Children were no longer coveted. The desire had now become NOT to have children.

 

Children began to be looked upon as dependents , instead of the strength of the family as helpers to the over-all family support system. In Europe during the industrial revolution, the average size of a family would fall from TEN down to SIX then slide slowly downward until today it is about THREE (counting single parent homes as well). Yes, we have come a long way baby.

 

The Preacher's answer

 

The preachers became alarmed in the late 1800's because the divorce or dissertation and remarriage rate had rose to 10-18 per 100 marriages. One divorce out of ten marriages over a lifetime was considered an epidemic, that the preachers' felt must be cured, so they held a conference about it. Did their conclusion of preaching solid marriage with only some supposed legitimate reasons for divorce stop the epidemic or spread it?

 

The government's answer to marriage and desertion from a life-time marriage covenant was to force everyone into governmental licensure for marriage.  The unalienable right for a couple to marry under God was being usurped by “the state”. They (government) took (control) from God and the preacher and put “the state” as the superior third party in every licensed marriage instead of leaving God as the superior third party joining the twain into ONE FLESH.  The preacher became the instrument of “the state” in very “licensed marriage ceremony” that by contract gave the state legal over-sight of the future children while God was kindly given the back seat of which HE originally ordained for mankind. The state so cleverly moved the legal over-sight from "the God given parents" - to "the state" being over the parents and over their children.  Licensure provided nothing for the couple getting married except EASY DIVORCE.

 

Why did the government desire “licensure”?  Because government understood the definition of licensure: a higher power, licenses a lesser power to do something.  Otherwise the action is considered “illegal” if done without a license.  Government was cleverly looking for a way to whitewash the sin of divorce and worst, the on going sin of adultery, by remarriage while the ex-spouse yet lived.  Luke 16:18  Romans 7:2-3. 

 

“The state” knew, what they can license, they can UN-license, and they can regulate and control the produce of.  And in marriage by license; UN-license is called DIVORCE.  So government paved the road to condoning divorce and remarriage by licensure.  Basically anyone could be married to just about anyone they want to be “just one at a time” was the primary fraud and secondary excuse for licensure. Well, where has this lovable road taken us?  To multiple divorces then to easy no-fault divorce and finally to Sodomite marriage!  The end of the road for governments” answer to solid families the back bone of any country.  If you didn't notice the family has already been redefined by government.  It started when government usurped God by “their” license. 

 

Shame on you gutless preachers.  Shame on you FATHERS for acquiescing your God-given authority in marriage.  What we need is some REAL MEN, to put their foot down and bring reformation to the family. Dad has just become a figure head in most marriages today.  The kids are really in-charge.  After all if you don”t agree with them, they will just get married anyway, without you ...   because the government and preachers have both usurped your God-given authority without your permission.  But what do you expect out of a society lead by corrupt government and compromising preachers?  A corrupt compromised social mind set that thinks they are right, when they don”t even know the first thing about marriage anymore.  

 

And it's only going to get worse thanks to the feminists and sodomites SIN infecting society and influencing government policy.  The only answer is for men to wake-up and take charge of their families and then from this point on for all family members to take up the FULL QUIVER mind-set (by conviction of the Holy Spirit) because REAL MEN are once again leading their families to FEAR YaHWeH Almighty.  Revival of biblical traditional family values with commitment to marriage and procreation is the only hope for America.  It is God that brings LIFE.  Satan and his religions love death. Choose CHRIST.  Choose LIFE.

 

Marriage Licensure was the “Trojan Horse” of government to help maintain strong families.  But licensure only did the opposite by usurping God”s and the father”s authority.  The preachers were to be the protectors and first line of defense for TRUTH of life-long-marriage.  They fell to their own lusts for (adultery) divorce and remarriage and basically desired an earthly king (of situational ethics, so-called biblical exceptions, twisting the truth or using evolution) rejecting God and fathers as the final biblical authority for marriage. 

 

In licensure the preacher was falsely elevated to say, by the power invested in me by the state of -----  I now pronounce you husband and wife.  The people were duped to believe that “the preacher” had the POWER to marry a couple.  Only the well informed and some Jewish folks realized that the man actually married the woman during the sexual consummation of the couple agreeing to be married.  It was in the bed of the two agreed families, that typically after some sort of wedding celebration, the couple would come together sexually ... and the marriage was consummated (completed) into ONE FLESH.  ONE FLESH is only divisible by the physical death of one party, not divorce. (1Cor.7:39 & Romans7:2) Divorce and remarriage while the other party lived is adultery. (Luke16:18) David required his first wife back; even after she had been married to another man. ( 1 Samuel 25:44  and 2 Samuel 3:14 )

 

All any license or preacher ever did under God”s marriage economy was to formally “legally” BETROTH the couple one to another in the eyes of society.  Biblical betrothal is the "legal state of marriage" (between the time) of FORMAL AGREEMENT to become ONE FLESH and (the time) when the eligible couple consummate the marriage before God, in HOLY MATRIMONY - into ONE FLESH marriage.  I say, HOLY MATRIMONY, to differentiate from SINFUL UNIONS that today are called "marriage" by state governments and people ignorant of God's authority and HOLINESS. 

Biblical marriage UNDER God does not require any license or any preacher.  So biblically is there any earthly authority in marriage?  Is there anyone that must give permission other than two consenting edible parties entering the UNTIL DEATH DO US PART state?  The father of the bride.!  That's WHO God put in charge.  Otherwise you can draw up a WRITTEN COVENANT to be notarized and be LEGALLY Betrothed / LEGALLY MARRIED as husband and wife, UNDER God as an unalienable right of the Constitution of the United States.

   

LINK TO:  5 Reasons Why Christians Should Not Obtain a State Marriage License  

It is clear from the Old Testament that the FATHER of the Groom was in-charge of (the day) WHEN the couple were allowed to form the new household and come together in physical consummation of their covenant. Secondly, in equal agreement, the FATHER of the Bride had to give "his" permission for her to marry (i.e. give away the bride).  The New Testament confirms these authorities with Christ and the Church being the high example of marriage. Ephesians 5:32

 

LINK TO LISTEN: The biblical authority of the Bride's Father

 

Deceitfully, the Protestants and (the Catholics hid their divorces under the guise of annulments); both condoning divorce and remarriage taking away the REPROACH of it. (Proverbs 6:32-33) Coddling divorce and sure enough that baby has with such good feeding and support grown into a big lusty brute ruining many a home, family, and children today.  All under the guise of government approval which most churches have now totally endorsed allowing government to totally re-define marriage, divorce, and adultery. God's biblical definitions have all been twisted, confused, and forgotten.  As the churches have acknowledged that (Caesar) government is Lord of marriage issues, instead of God.  But I cry out here “it is NOT SO”.   God is still author, king, judge, and the final authority of marriage; NOT GOVERNMENT.  John the Baptist lost his head, to government, over this same issue.  Where are the women, men, fathers and preachers today that will stand up for keeping God alone as the author and finisher of marriage?

 

Today in the 21st century most of our churches can boost that half of their (over 30) adult attendants have divorced AND married another or (never married but have cohabitated with several different partners). Horrors, in a little over 120 years this small epidemic (of coddled divorce) has grown to literally engulf half of our nation.

 

The LOVE GOSPEL turned into the Free Love Doctrine of the Hippy Movement of the 1960's. Repentance has turned into remarriage to another.  Holiness has turned into condoning divorce.  Now even the Federal Reserve Board and economic advisors know that our biggest financial problem is being caused by the disintegration of THE FAMILY UNIT as God intended.

 

I was starting a new business in 1980's and joined the Chamber of Commerce who was putting on a BIG meeting for businessmen.  Business people to be politically correct speech.  The local district manager of the Federal Reserve Bank was the highlighted keynote speaker. Oh, I drooled over the opportunity to hear such a HIGH POWERED financial wizard speak. I might learn some great financial wisdom that could save me or make me thousands of dollars in the future.  The advice he gave that day was exactly that - but not quite what I was expecting.

 

MR. Federal Reserve man spoke on mid-life crisis; and the tell-tale signs of it coming on, being new sports cars, not going home after work, and basically becoming an irresponsible double aged teenager AGAIN. When you are supposed to be taking care of your family, wife of your youth, and home responsibilities. Then he went into detail of the social and family financial costs of divorce... not to speak of the pain, suffering, scares on the children as it also sets them up 2 or 3 times greater to divorce themselves when they become adults. Yes, you can save thousands of dollars by NOT DIVORCING. One household is cheaper than two. Besides for being cheaper it also produces better children and grandchildren by staying married, even if you later found a better model.  It”s just not worth it to trade...

Many of those that divorce don't make their child support payments and while our nation brags that we don't have debtor prison's - Yes, you can go to jail for not paying your child support payments in some states.  The ultimate price paid is much higher than the temporal satisfaction of your lusts for a few moments.  Divorce is a plague of SIN that ruins everyone it touches.  But Hellywood has made divorce look so appealing.

 

It sounded more like a good sermon than a business speech. I went up afterwards and shook his hand and thanked him. He had become about as popular with the crowd as the banker that just told you, “NO” on the new loan you wanted so badly. We all see the problem or do we? Over half our adult population has been divorced and they feel it was necessary (at least for them) and the churches all comfort, support, some even promote divorce. So whose fault is it?

 

It's the preacher's fault, that promote, coddle, and support divorce wholesale.!! !  Yes, today some on the Internet even agree and claim the fault for our landslide of divorce and remarriage is due to: (1) the preachers (2) the church (3) government. The preachers are who set the moral expectations of a country, or at least did. Doesn't God expect COMMITMENT, DEDICATION, and SACRIFICE in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, for better or worst until death do us part.?  When did you last hear it preached with ALL AUTHORITY instead of as an ultimate unattainable goal cushioned with divorce and remarriage allowances?  When did you last hear it in the actual wedding vows? 

 

So as we have observed the decline of the Bible, the disappearance of the 10 Commandments, and the elimination of Prayer from the public schools replaced by human relativism and situational ethics backed by psychology; we now see the effects. This has been growing slowly but after 1970 exploded. Now we KILL babies in the womb, but don't get a ticket driving to the abortion clinic without your seat belt buckled. 

 

Judgment has been perverted.!

 

Divorce and remarriage is no problem after all Sodomy is now being promoted in the Elementary Public Schools as an alternate lifestyle.  Since we lost the divorce and remarriage ideology war we now have Sodomite marriage becoming legal. Why not?  A license is for things that otherwise would be “illegal” to do without.  And God has declared Sodomy unlawful and illegal whether it”s licensed or not. America has had guns in the home and taken to school since the Mayflower came to America in 1620 ... and we NEVER had mass school shootings... until after the institution of marriage was on the rocks of destruction. Have you heard of school (GUN FREE ZONES?) is that why we have school shootings in the GUN FREE ZONES, (so we need to get rid of all guns?) Then ONLY CRIMINALS will have guns! They already get them illegally, so what? or should we be getting rid of something else? What about divorce and anti-christ thinking?

 

Currently we are reaping the results of kicking the bible and prayer out of public schools...  the liberal mind-set loves abortion because they hate children, they love sex but hate commitment to God's standards resulting in...

 

50% of all first time marriages will end in divorce within their lifetime, but the majority within an average time of eleven years. 60% of second marriages will end in divorce within an average time of only six years. 75% of all divorcees remarry within only three years.  Societies answer to these statistics:  don”t get married at all, just shack-up. This is why the church goers divorce rates are now higher than the un-churched.  We don't have statistics on all the un-churched shack-ups and the church people still think marriage is something so don't shack-up as much as those un-churched.  Do you get the idea that our society is in trouble?  You should.  And what are you going to do about it?

 

Did you know that the first time someone shacks-up hurts their chances for staying together as bad as a divorce? God made marriage to be all about commitment but man thinks it”s all about his pleasure.  When the pleasure wanes they are ready to bale-out if they don”t have commitment. CUT and RUN.  No commitment. Hence first time shack-ups actually hurt their changes of permanently staying together, even if they have children.  It makes for insecurity and distrust.  But this perverted society has wrongly portrayed marriage as a weight and hindrance to be endured like a ball and chain in some prison. Something to be avoided. WHY?  Because they may want to satisfy their lust somewhere else instead of looking to loving one LIFE MATE, Until Death Do Us Part.  COMMITMENT the major lacking ingredient in marriage today.

 

But actually those first time couples, married one time have the best health and longevity in life of any other group.  They are happier and more satisfied and their love grows as they are committed to following God and treating each other as Christ intended. They have the blessing of God “ others don”t.

 

Be careful of people that try to down grade these statistics. They like to quote divorces per capita. These numbers sound really low.  Primarily neglecting the life long effects, quoting divorces per capita per year.  Besides forgetting or over looking LIFE TIME adjustments needed. The Elderly, those that never marry and children aren't getting divorces because they never married to begin with and they represent over 25% percent of the population (Per capita).  Secondly, since 1990 shack-ups have been sharply on the raise.  They cohabitate but aren”t in the marriage (Per capita) statistic either.  

 

So some boldly proclaim, “marriage” appears to be having a come-back.  Don”t believe it.  Not nationally and over all.  The Shack-up / break-ups must be taken into consideration within the divorce and remarriage statistics. . .   

 

Therefore if anything the statistics are getting worst.  I”ve also heard the myth that children of divorced parents have learned their lesson from their parents and are not as prone to divorce and remarriage.  That is just a flat PLAIN LIE of the devil.  Those adult children of divorced parents are enlarging the shack-up statistics that are not being taken into consideration in the complete TRUTH of the matter.

                        

The children of divorced parents, while knowing the bad effects of such homes.  Know no-other-way of handling home life and psychologically reproduce what they have been taught because they have to condone and agree with their parents decisions or else they would have to condemn their own parents divorce which 99% refuse to mentally do.  WHY, because they are still trying to make everything RIGHT.  They are trying with all their might to make things right between them and their parents.  Adult children in their 30's still secretly hope and pray for their natural parents to be re-united in their first marriage again.  I've talked with them.   

But unfortunately by the time these adult children of divorced parents are ready to get married themselves they have themselves self-deceived that "they" will NOT fall into the same errors and traps that their parents did.  Again, that psychologically LINKS them to their parents and those past bad experiences during their childhood to the point that they REPRODUCE the SAME HOME ATMOSPHERE without even knowing it. It is all they know. Therefore many times the pattern of failure repeats itself, just as history repeats itself.  FULL REPENTANCE towards God and CALLING SIN, SIN instead of condoning and coddling the past is required to have a fighting CHANCE.  And even then the lingering unforgettable history is there to haunt them. Marriage is a daily work of making the best of life and coping and getting along with each other.  Marriage is hard work and quitter never win and winners never quit.  But it is so much easier to CUT and RUN, (quit), and get a divorce.

Our past is so powerful that children of divorced parents are twice to three times more likely to get a divorce than children of both intact parentage. Because they learned HOW to keep committed. Even if the intact parentage is what is called a troubled home or quarrelsome home.  The stability of STAYING TOGETHER is very powerful upon our children and grandchildren.  There is no greater gift a parent can give to their children and grand-children than to STAY MARRIED - UNTIL DEATH DO US PART.

 

When a couple of divorced parentage stay together that is the first line of defense.  But I've seen the children of such a marriage follow in the errors (I mean sins) of the divorced grandparents that had remarried being condoned by their married children.  Even though the child's own parents attempted to proclaim the value of Until Death Do Us Part.  Condoned Divorced Grandparents even effect their grandchildren's marriages though their own parents are NOT divorced.  The family that makes allowances for others in divorce and remarriage, ultimately condone divorce and remarriage and then they are somehow shocked when their own children either marry a divorcee with children (entering a very unadvised marriage) or get a divorce themselves.  What we do as parents and what we condone and make allowance for as parents carries more force then we might believe on our children.  It's so subtle, it's caught more than taught.

 

Christians that "think" they stand strong for marriage and are against divorce and at the same time fellowship those that are divorced and remarried have just sent the stronger message to their children that ultimately it's OK, to divorce and remarry if the situation calls for it.  Don't you think that in every divorce "the situation called for it"?  Sure it did, they convinced the court, their family and friends of that as well as everyone they meet and are willing to be their friends. And anyone that condones divorce and remarriage to another outside the first marriage for both, will condone every person that is divorced and remarried to another.  There is NO fence riding with divorce and remarriage.  Either marriage (the first marriage for both parties) is Until Death Do Us Part, or it's until divorce do us part.  Who you allow to be your friends will show your children which way marriage is to you.  You can say the opposite but you aren't going to fool your children.  Remember they live with you and know when you have given your approval by default.  And they for ever after know that. That default is there for them too. If they ever feel they need it.  They will be condoned in divorce and remarriage also.  We love our children and cut slack for them.

 

Another way some people use statistics to lie is using YEARLY RATES instead of lifetime statistics.  We have to consider a person's entire lifetime (which hasn't ended yet) so within a SINGLE YEAR a 6 to 8% divorce of ALL MARRIAGES on the books is a very deceiving figure. Those kinds of numbers need to be multiplied by the NUMBER of (years of average duration) of all marriages to be accurate. The median duration of all marriages is 7.2 years.  7 years average times 7% divorce of all marriages (in a single year) = 49% over complete life expectancy.  Yep, if you're married; you statistically have 50% chance of divorce during your lifetime. Unless you are 1) TOTALLY for Until Death Do Us Part for both first time married couples in HOLY Matrimony and then 2) AGAINST ALL DIVORCE for any cause from a first marriage for both parties.

Now just taking the fact that the median duration of all marriages is 7.2 years.  That tells a divorce story in itself.  Since the average age of death in America is exactly 70.0 years old.  If we had -0- divorce, then everyone wouldn't be getting married until age 62.8 having just retired on social security.:-)  But the statistical average of first marriage today is 26 years old.  Add 7 years and everyone is getting a divorce at age 33, since very few die between those ages.  70 + 26 = 96 divided by 2 = 48  Assume half the population dies by age 55 - 26 = 29 years  That alone allows 29 years not just 7 years for half of all first time marriages to end in divorce.  It's very easy to see that the divorce rate is higher than 50% over a complete life time.  Don't think so?  Take a poll of all the people you know over 55.  Find out how many have NEVER BEEN DIVORCED, but were married at least once.  It will be less than 33%.  Since that is a FACT.  What happened to the other 67% that were divorced?  Remember you must have two (never divorce people - if both are still alive) for each two divorced people.  Remember you are counting by twos.

I”ve gotten emails asking me where I got my statistics.  I searched the internet for days and compiled lots of statistics.  Then through personal experience and observation taking everything together into consideration with these statistics and my mathematical skills come to present what I believe to be as factual as possible.  I”m not interested in regularly computing these again and again.  So if you don”t agree, come up with your own.  I”m not trying to argue with you nor interested in debating statistics either.  I”m interested in helping people have first time permanent marriages. Facts help people to think deeper. The wise see and understand, then act accordingly. (Proverbs1:5, 9:8, 17:10 & Ecc.7:5)

 

OK, I hear the thought; "you are trying to make it look worst than it really is because of your bias."  NO, the record doesn”t need to be made any worst, it”s already bad enough.  Some have even reported that church people have more divorces than none church goers.  Again, that”s probably true, because the shack-ups are not taken into account.  And it”s also been reported that the preachers have as high a divorce rate as those not in church.  Well, I won”t argue, it could be true.  After all it”s the preachers fault to begin with.

 

How can you increase your possibilities of marital success? Do as many of these divorce proofing your marriage things as possible and the better statistical chance of remaining married you will have. 

FIRST, keep your virginity, and don't marry any one that”s not a virgin, been shacked up, or divorced. 

SECOND,
don't marry any one that has a divorced parent. 

THIRDLY,
don't marry any one that has a divorced grandparent (this is almost impossible). 

FOURTHLY, don't marry any one that belongs to a church that allows for divorce and remarriage. Now you say that is IMPOSSIBLE.  Maybe for you and I but not for some people.  We will all reap the fruit of the decisions we sow in life.

 

Other than the following statement, all things are being considered equal here. There are many exceptions to a rule and with statistics there is no hard and fast rules. But in the end, the statistics stand as TRUTH.  So do we gamble our lives away against bad odds?  Or do we attempt to get the best education, the best job, the best car, the best house?  Why would we do any less in marriage?  Statistics just give you the idea of how things normally work out in general - not the details of it. Winners play the odds in their favor.  Fools play against the odds and against God and lose.  That's why losers are fools.

Do you want to be a WINNER in MARRIAGE?  Then you want to place your odds for Until Death Do Us Part.  If you have a bad first marriage those interviewed that stayed in the first marriage found out that it got better two out of three times.  Those that left their first marriage and got into a second marriage found out that it was only better than the first marriage by 1 out of 3. They didn't realize the real person with the problem was looking at them in the mirror every morning. Conclusion is that if you will work on your "bad" first marriage you have double the chance it will be better than leaving and trying a second marriage. Here are some additional cautions to let you know if you are placing the odds in your favor for your future marital success or against it:

FIRST CAUTION IN MATE SELECTION, 
avoid divorcees and none virgins.
From the statistics above it is clear a divorced person is more likely to get a second divorce than a person that has never been divorced. Also those that have had any pre-marital sex before marriage are twice as likely to divorce as those that wait until marriage (even if you marry your first sex partner). Then again shacking-up, trial marriage, playing house, whatever you want to call it sets you up for a 60% chance of divorce, even if you marry your first partner.  There seems to be the general disregard for the Solidness, Permanence and “UNTIL DEATH DO US PART” that is underlined at the beginning of pre-mature sexual intercourse before marriage. 
CONCLUSION:
  Remaining a virgin is not only SAFE, but SMART if you plan to marry UNTIL DEATH DO US PART.
  But who”s doing it? 


The percentage of virgin couples marrying today is less than our current 33 percent first time marriages still intact.  That means remaining a virgin doesn”t carry any guarantees with it other than you will have PEACE of HEART and if both of you are virgins PEACE OF SAFE SEX for a lifetime.   So long as you are each faithful and stay together.  I might add that after 37 years of first time marriage, I do believe the statistics that state that those remaining in first time marriages do have the highest level of sexual enjoyment and enjoy sex more and enjoy more sex more often.:-)   I mean I like it after 37 years...  What do you want????  Sexually speaking.  

I”ve seen the statistics that breakdown those that are sexually active into three groups.  1) Those that have sex several times a week.  2) Those that have sex several times a month.  3) And those that have sex several times a year.  The first group is for the happily married and long term first marriages, because practice makes perfect.  The second group are those discontent with their marital situation, something is lacking.  Or for those over age 50.  The third group are those that do the most bragging about their sexual exploits in details I”m not interested in hearing about or are sorely dissatisfied with their marriage.  The last two groups are those that have usually experienced more different partners, oh sure they”ve had sex, but so do prostitutes but they never gained the welcome, pleasant embrace of three decades with the same person, being totally yielded, giving all of yourself to the other person with full confidence and trust.  That is the highest enjoyment with the blessing of God behind it.  It is true we will reap what we sow, so choose your life-mate very carefully.  Your future enjoyment depends on it. Remember: LUST doesn”t satisfy, it only creates more desire, that yields less pleasure in the end.

SECOND CAUTION IN MATE SELECTION, 
(avoid) Children of a divorced parent
are twice to three times more likely to divorce as children from intact families. Even a quarrelsome intact home is better than people that tolerate peaceable divorce - so far as predicting whether their children are likely to divorce. Some have thought that tension (disagreements) and irreconcilable differences are the cause of divorce. Research has now PROVED that ALL MARRIAGES have at least 10 irreconcilable differences. Those that divorce and those marriages that last both have at least 10 irreconcilable differences. 
CONCLUSION:
Arguing is not what causes divorce, but allowing that conflict to permanently brake-down communication, then apathy sets-in and the refusal to CONTINUE WORKING ON THE MARRIAGE. Divorce is “giving up on the other person” that God says is ONE FLESH in first marriages until death do you part.  This places communication open and honest friendship style at the top of the marriage maintenance list.  Your spouse should be your BEST FRIEND.  Otherwise you have people between the two of you.  Then things like: customs of culture, sex, money, kids, in-laws, and time spent together.  You will naturally spend time with your best friend. We see that "customs of culture" includes religion, living conditions, politics, and say even flow into the other areas of sex, money, children, in-laws, and time spent together. It is true no one remains THE SAME, we all continue to change. Therefore each of us are changing all the time and the married couple HAVE TO WORK AT AGREEMENT that benefits the whole. Lack of willingness to work together, bend and be bent, is the straw that brakes the camel's back when people QUIT communicating to KEEP THE PEACE and the disinterest of REFUSAL TO CONTINUE TO WORK TOGETHER AT MARRIAGE causes one to QUIT (Divorce). GET  --- CUT And RUN.  

To prevent divorce some Christian groups are now teaching couples HOW TO FIGHT. And this is proving very successful in lowering the divorce rate. Well, how to disagree, get things out in the open and how to still respect each other doing so.  Traits learned in large families that stayed together but lacking in small families and in those that divorce.  Our gentler America of politically correct speech really doesn't keep people together.  They just separate quietly.  Deceit and lying has been a huge part of the liberal's agenda against the family and marriage. TRUTH, communication and commitment are the real answers.

THIRD CAUTION IN MATE SELECTION, 
Avoid condoning divorce from a first marriage
 for both parties.
How you and your church group believes about divorce and remarriage will effect your marital stability. Amish and Mennonite churches that do not allow for divorce in church membership (you will be excommunicated if you divorce) unless you repent and return to your life-mate... These churches today, in 21st century America, have LESS THAN one half percent divorce occurrence among their people. Yes, it does occasionally happen but after that they are excommunicated and thereafter are not allowed to INFECT the whole group, because of the social REPROACH. (Proverbs 6:32-33) There are even couples that have gotten back together after divorce.  Reconciliation is lacking in most of America. The DIVORCE REPROACH no longer exists in America as it once did.  Ronald Reagan was only our 2nd divorced and remarriage President. The Amish divorce rate is actually less than “ of one percent, but is high for these groups compared to years ago.  That is only one divorce for each 200 marriages. NOTE: This is lifetime statistics no playing with the numbers here.

 

Shall we examine the elements in most Amish and Mennonite homes that preserves marriages against divorce. These are also said to be safe-guards for marriage to prevent divorce.

(1) Women / girls don't work outside the home or family - shamefaced
(2) They practice sexual purity before marriage - virginity
(3) The church (religious) teaching is STRONG against Divorce. As the scripture states, "a threefold cord is not quickly broken." - anti-divorce
(4) They normally have lots of children, large families. - Love children.
(5) They continue in spiritual life during marriage. - Church attendance.

 

The world says it is impossible for America to return to the 1950's when the wife was a keeper at home. They call it the "technology revolution", “the year of the woman”, the feminist dream of women being drafted into war is almost here.  We will probably see our first woman president 2008. Since man has made himself, God. Woman can now be man.  She too has become her own God.

 

America moved from God”s green garden on the farm into the city as the “industrial revolution” took away the desire for children and started the breakdown of the family.  The world wars put women into man's work place side by side with men and the liberation from being a mother and keeper at home. As women entered the work place after WW2 the divorce rate climbed proportionately as the natural inhibitions between married persons of the opposite sex broke down.  Next come the "sexual revolution" that took away our pre-marital purity. Our churches began coddling divorcees preaching more love and less repentance for the last 40 years, (since 1970). The “technology revolution” then put women on equal footing with men in all ways for the lust of prosperity the two income family became the norm while the children raised in luxury suffered for lack of parents. Lastly, America has had a bankruptcy of Biblical Based religion in the lives and practices of its population over the last 50 years, (since 1960). We are going to have to see the light or spiritually perish like the rest of our country has already done.

 

FOURTH CAUTION IN MATE SELECTION, AVOID - Allowance for birth control. Verses the desire to have children. Statistics show that a couple is 20% less likely to divorce for each child they have together.  Conclusion: if you want a large family and your perspective partner doesn”t find a different prospect for marriage.  The myth of changing a person after you get married, is still a myth.  And will remain so.  There are countless sad Christians that missionary dated or married because the person just become a Christian.  Just to relapse into their old sinful habits. Do NOT trust "new converts" when you were raised in a solid Christian family. Most couples today average two children which leaves a 60% chance for divorce using this statistic alone.  The Anabaptists and Christian Home-Schoolers with five or more children in their first marriage have the lowest divorce rate.  They obviously have a great sex life and it”s more fun when you are making babies!  I have nine children, so I can tell you first hand.  Of course the joke would be we are then too poor to divorce anyway.  The TRUTH is what greater gift can any parents give to their children than a divorce free home. . .  and the knowledge that fact will give their children a 50% better chance at never going through the pain, sorry and hurt of divorce themselves.  (Children of intact first marriage parents marrying the same have less than 25% divorce rate.) Let alone the eternal spiritual consequences.

 

Therefore in selecting a LIFE-MATE look carefully at the other family, their religious views of divorce and remarriage, accustomed lifestyle, culture and income class. These are the most important issues and lets face it. Today the novelty and excitement of a cross-racial or cultural marriage looks interesting and exciting from the outside. But the inside after "until death do us part" we find that PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE MUCH and when the novelty has worn off and becomes a festering thorn in the side that”s not going away if not soon treated can turn into gangrene resulting in swift DEATH. DIVORCE. Keep away from cultural turmoil; marriage is problematic enough without mental race riots between cultures or/and your families. In marriage until death, after we get past living on love, we find ourselves back in the real world of issues, conflicts, and society at large. People don't change HOW THEY THINK.  And little of WHAT THEY THINK.  Which controls WHAT THEY DO.  Cross-racial or Cross-cultural marriages are very unadvised with divorce rates to prove it.  Do you care what other people think?  What about your parents, relatives, co-workers, and society at large.  America still has prejudice and it's not going away.

 

Marital bliss is short lived.  40 hours a week and meals, dirty diapers, baths, cleaning, clothes, shopping, sleep, baby crying, sickness, bills, and work make up the other 95% of your life.  Ask your self, how will we look as a couple ten years from now, 20 years from now?  That”s closer to “Until death do us part” than the honeymoon.

 

Here again if we could see that divorcee's are "quitters" and/or didn't take their mate serious enough to fix problems and/or work around those unchangeables (irreconcilable differences we all have). These "quitters" would be undesirable in the eyes of others to marry --- and the divorce and remarriage cycle can begin to be reversed. IDEA... Why don't they go back to their LIFE MATE of ONE FLESH and start working on marriage together again? Sure “they” said they forgive each other. It”s just that those love birds just can”t stand each other. . .  because there is un-forgiveness in the heart.  They can't forgive or love like God wants us to if they refuse to reconcile. If they refuse it's because of the lack of COMMITMENT, DEDICATION, and SACRIFICE required to make a marriage work. It's work, marriage is very hard work.  Until you believe that, don”t get married. But some are working in the wrong place, at the wrong time, for the wrong reasons.

 

After World War Two the divorce rate climbed and reflecting WOMEN coming into the work place. As women entered the workplace more; more divorce occurred until we are to the place, we are today. The Bible says women are to be keepers at home.

 

Just shacking up and living together is popular today, but hurts the chances of making a solid LIFELONG commitment in marriage later. only about 33% of married adults are both still in their first marriage. Long-term first marriage is becoming a Status Symbol in America. It is the loudest declaration of MARITAL SUCCESS. Don't mar it by condoning others in divorce and remarriage, just be wise and don't say anything, if you can't verbally preach your success. I mean why would you feel inferior to someone divorced and remarried?  It is they that have failed society and God. Instead, let and bring REPROACH upon divorce and remarriage that others may fear and WORK AT THEIR ORIGINAL "one flesh" MARRIAGE.


About 10% of adult Americans are divorced but NOT presently remarried. This includes a great number of Elderly (over 55) that won't remarry and also included in this 10% are many that cohabit without officially being married again.  What am I saying.  Most people between 20 and 55 are being sexually active somewhere, marriage, remarriage, shacking up, or just whoring around (includes sodomy - and granted this is on the rise).  Divorced adults typically remarry prior to age 55.

FIFTH CAUTION IN MATE SELECTION, 
AVOID - HEAD STRONG women. 
THE FEMINIST IN DISGUISE.
The So-called Christian working woman. Liberated women, women that want a career, want to be out of the home, want to also wear the pants in the family. 

Women that wear a head covering not just for religious services are much more submissive to their husband and must less likely to ever divorce. The truly submissive woman will still be under the guidance of her father.  The real gem will still be living at home with her parents.  She will not be her own authority in everything. Marry a woman who's goal in life is to put God first and then spoil her husband and raise a Godly family to the glory of God.  Marry a woman that is against birth control and desires motherhood and a large family.  Avoid the woman that wants to limit the number of children she is willing to have. Avoid the woman that desires to get a career or higher education or just to get out of the home. Avoid these selfish women.

How can you tell?  Is she still living at home? Is she still accountable to her father?  Is she in good standing with her father?  Probably, if the last two were yes.  

The opposite is: If she has BIG PROBLEMS WITH HER DAD.  SHE is probably going to have BIG PROBLEMS WITH YOU after marriage.!!!

BEWARE OF DISCONTENT OR ANGRY WOMEN. . .  Currently over 66 to 91% of all divorces are initiated by women. Women are ready for divorce and their husband's don't even know there is a problem. Women have a harder time forgiving than men do. Women seem to harbor resentment longer than men.  If you think I”m wrong, answer this question.  After a disagreement, who is ready to go to bed first?  And I don”t mean to sleep. I wonder if this is why three women are going to the attorney first for each man going to the attorney to start a divorce action?  Women are some of the more avid condoners of divorce and remarriage in church groups as well. Women were the seducers at Peor and in Rev. 2:20.

 

Finally we see the results of 120 years of easy preaching; condoning divorce and remarriage by so many "so-called Biblical" exceptions, excuses, humanistic understandings, psychology and situational ethics. It has been reported that the divorce and remarriage rate among Christians (using the secular definition) is equal if not higher than the nation at large. In some denominations the divorce rate among preachers is equal to society. Does the Church have anything to offer in this regard or have we been sweep away with the error of Balaam and the sin of Peor?  The liberal churches are maritally bankrupt with no answers or help for hurting souls.  Their only answer is to rubber stamp APPROVAL on everyone”s divorce and remarriage.

 

Some believe we can comfort the divorced and remarried and still make a hard stand against divorce. This Christian, non-Christian argument is another lie. According to an article in "Christianity Today" 87% of divorced Christians said they divorced after being a Christian. The statistics PROVE this idea of the church didn't work over the last 120 years. Let us learn a lesson from the churches that do make marriage work today in the 21st century, by taking a biblical stand TOTALLY against divorce like the Amish and Mennonites, if we love our children and their children.

 

How do these Churches against divorce and remarriage keep divorce below 1%? Because they understand, teach, preach, and believe that the Bible teaches and God expects: COMMITMENT, DEDICATION, and SACRIFICE in marriage "until death do us part." NO allowances, NO condoning, NO excuses... Just keep on working at your first marriage by Commitment, Dedication, and Sacrifice and you will have a marriage and probably a very good one if you work continuity on it. You have heard, "practice makes perfect", and it's true with ONE FLESH marriage as well.

 

So why is it that half of the married adults in your church have a divorced living life mate? Because, they are an Adulterous Generation; that allows, condones, and excuses divorce and remarriage. The only answer is to call this Adulterous Generation to repentance instead of supporting it with a twisted view of the Bible that has only promoted divorce over the last 120 years. Be not deceived, what so ever a man sows, that shall he also reap. What kind of preaching will you sow? Will it produce less than 1% divorce? or an Adulterous Generation? History will repeat itself and no one will be innocent!

 

That's the way I interpret the statistics on the Internet. If you think I have erred. Please let me hear from you, what, why, and how. May YaHWeH help our marriages and children to live for HIM.

 

Copyright 2001, 2005, 2007

Dale Harvey Sabin
19591 Kelsay Road,
Barnett, MO 65011

573-569-0141
dale@basicisp.net

 

One last statistic.  A survey was done to see what was the best way to get marital happiness.  The first group were never divorced but were asked if they had ever had any difficulties in marriage.  Of those that answered YES, they were asked if after a while it got better?  Two thirds said it got better.  We might think that the one third that said it didn”t get better just might get a divorce yet in the future since this survey was only for those which had never been divorced?  Or they might later join the group that felt that after a while things got better!   Conclusion: The answer was, if you stay in your first marriage even if things are bad, you have a 2 out of 3 chance that things will get better.

Then this survey team went out again and this time only surveyed divorced and remarried people.  Obviously they had a problem in their first marriage but used the divorce exit as the cure, since they have previously been divorced.  This group was in their 2nd or later marriage after divorce.  They were asked if they ever had any difficulties in their present marriage.  Those that answered YES were then asked if after a while it got better.  Surprise, only one out of three said yes.  Conclusion: even with experience from multiple marriages, you only have a one out of three chance of things getting better, in a second or later marriage after a divorce.

MASTER CONCLUSION:  You have a double chance of making your first marriage work better and becoming happier in the future than trying out another marriage.  HINT:  it”s a whole lot cheaper, less painful, less sorrowful and better for the children and their future success in marriage too. 

Some remarried divorcee once said, "If I had worked this hard on my first marriage, I would still be in it."  Bloom where you are planted.  It takes commitment for a good marriage and quitters never win, but winners never quit.  Make your FIRST MARRIAGE the best marriage you can make.!

 

Click here for more topics

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Or continue your study of divorce and remarriage:

THE  BRIDE  PRICE

Divorce Stats   (This article) where you now are

Divorce Exception Clause  

Divorce is not the unpardonable sin

The Question of Divorce and Remarriage

Divorce and Remarriage according to Some Mennonites

Which Jots and Tittles of The Law shall not fail?

5 Reasons Why Christians Should Not Obtain a State Marriage License

 

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